Westward Thoughts

As I begin this journey into the search for a "soul mate"... which of course if you know me, I don't believe in the idea of a soul mate... but that exploration will be another entry. In this action packed episode we will explore just one small aspect of "online dating" sites "The Wink". Sites will use different names for this idea, nudge, poke, interested, and many more. The idea is generally the same even though the implementation may differ from site to site.

As I am sure you are aware my ex-wife and I have decided to make the commitment of divorce. For me this was such a scary word wrapped in emotions of pain, hatred, and anger. But is that what it has to be? Does the future with myself, my children and my ex-wife (also known as my best friend) have to be one of resentment and pain, or could it be something very different. Could it be a journey of discovery, a journey of a new and better relationship with her and the kids, and just maybe could it be a positive journey of growth and discovery that causes a family to grow, and not break apart?

The journey of life is interesting and has always fascinated me. I often feel like an ignorant student stumbling from day to day trying so hard to absorb the lessons life puts in front of me. We define our struggles and set out the path we choose to follow, so sometimes I confuse myself with the odd paths I pick.

I feel so very restored today! I have a clarity in my mind that has not been there for years. It was absent for so long, that I forgot just how important it was to me. As life came knocking and the drudgery of everyday slowly tore at my soul, I got lost in the confusion. My mind became clouded and blurry, and I took on a new level of frustration. I was so consumed by the now that I forgot to look ahead to the future, the things important to me, and the ones I love.

It seems like a lifetime ago that I asked you to be my wife. That I summoned my courage and asked you to be the only girl for me. I was what one might call the marrying type, I always liked the idea of being married. The thought of always have some one to love, and to love me back warmed my soul.

The dark slowly creeps toward me. It is standing behind me waiting.
I know it is there as pretend to ignore it and keep moving forward.
But it remains ever more subtly pushing towards me.
It is rising and growing and preparing to consume.
I try to move faster, run away, hide from it.
Ignoring no longer works, I know it is there.
The darkness hides the evil welling up in it.
It proclaims it is peace, serenity, and exit.
I am not fooled, yet, I still know there is no peace inside of it.
The struggle grows greater and the fight more intense.

I had gone to the store to pick up some Christmas supplies. As I was leaving I was graced with the coolest snow covered truck ever! Yep, the Truck Mullet "Business in the front, Party in the back"!

Life is a collection of connections with people, places, and things. Everyday we are making new connections that impact the direction of our life. Most are so small that we move day-to-day with out even considering the impact or probably even care. But even the smallest of connections can make a huge alteration.

Society is deluged with the truth from every direction. There is simply no shortage of truth, and every one is open and willing to share. However when we pull back the curtain just slightly we realize that it is only their version of the truth. Of course I would never dare to suggest the are lying to us, oh no I will not question their intent. But I will question the basis in which they determine and then allocate that truth.

Most of us can remember back fondly on our first love. And not that sweet crush in grade school on a teacher or the girl across the room. But that first real knock you to the ground and kick you in the stomach love. Maybe it was the first time you were “intimate” with a person in that ohh so special way. Maybe it was just the innocence in their eyes, their magnetic personality, or just a connection to another soul that can not be explained with words.